Feeling sorted out

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How I wish sometimes life can be neatly sorted out or compartmentalised like what we do with objects or like gardening for that matter. Where you can visibly spot the good roots from the rotten. But in reality its not that simple. I’m not saying its impossible to do, just need some personal time, space and perhaps some sage advice from a very experience gardener to help you weed out the bad roots away from the good roots. Now my references starting to sound strange! Anyway, I find myself fortunate to have a wonderful and very wise friend who recently helped me get myself “sorted”. I shouldn’t worry too much and just think positively. Sometimes the simplest advice is the most hardest to do. But then again, who is making it hard on myself? No one but me. Time to start looking forward in life or I shall find myself trying to get out of this confusing maze that I had build myself.

My Aikido experience so far (an update)

It’s been almost 7 months since I restarted my Aikido training and to be honest, it has been the most challenging experience ever. But I am extremely fortunate to train with a group of wonderful people who are talented and supportive. Nonetheless, Aikido helps me a great deal in coping with my moods because eventhough training was very difficult for me at times, I do feel at peace in the dojo. I tend to put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself to be at my best, its a habit I am trying to manage. This unnecessary stress I give myself tends to upset my sense of harmony and it affects the way I train. The concept of harmony in Aikido I realised is that it has to be from within. If I am not in harmony with myself, how is it possible for me to harmonise with others? There are times when I train, I felt frustrated at myself and sometimes at others. This happens when I am not in harmony with myself, I perceive myself negatively and self-doubts sinks in. This unhealthy thinking has to go or I will be forever stuck in this vicious cycle and I will not be able to discover my full potential. There is this principle in Aikido called Masakatsu agatsu katsuhayabi (true victory is self-victory, a victory right now), resonates deep with me. This traditional saying by O-Sensei held great importance for him and I will be exploring this further in my next post. Till then, I shall as ‘Keep Calm and Aikido On’.

Happiness is a choice?

http://www.abundancetapestry.com/how-to-beat-the-blues-of-melancholy/

I’ve read many articles written about depression but this one really hits the spot about how what I’ve been experiencing. Acknowledging this for the first time openly, feels somewhat weird but a little liberating. I don’t where this will take me but I know something just doesn’t feel right, but I do want to do something about it. Is being happy a choice or a gift? If its the latter, it will be the one thing I would like to give to myself. For now, I’d take one day at a time.